GlennLog

Turning technology from mumbo-jumbo into rich tasty gumbo

< Glenn's Rider | Main | The Big Year: a Theory about the Nature of This Film >

October 27, 2011

Richard Stallman Takes a Holiday

Adapted from a short non-fiction book.

Scene: Richard Stallman, dressed in corduroys, a long-sleeved shirt, and a hat, reclines on a lounge on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean.

Waiter: Sir, may I get you a drink?

Stallman: Many people assume that because I am traveling, I am having a vacation.

Waiter: Sir, this is a resort. You are on vacation.

Stallman: The fact is, I have no vacations.

Waiter: As you wish. Sir, would you like—

Stallman: It is very important for me to be able to transfer email between my laptop and the net, so I can do my ordinary work.

Waiter: There is complimentary high-speed Wi-Fi service that is included in the cost of your stay.

Stallman: If the network requires a proxy for SSH, I probably can't use it at all.

Waiter: Sir, I am not a technical expert, but I could get the front desk—

Stallman: If it involves loading a nonfree driver, I will refuse.

Waiter: I believe, sir, that the built-in adapter on most computers will work just fine. But I could ask—

Stallman: Until you have tested it, don't believe it!

Waiter: As you say, sir. Now, about the matter of a drink. Some beer? A cocktail?

Stallman: I dislike the taste of alcohol, so I don't drink anything stronger than wine.

Waiter: Ah, yes, sir, we have a wide variety of international—

Stallman: Wine is not very important to me—not like food. I like some wines, depending on the taste, and dislike others, but I don't remember the names of wines I have liked, so it is useless to ask me.

Waiter: Perhaps the house white?

Stallman: If you get a bottle of wine, I will taste it, and if I like the taste, I will drink a little, perhaps a glass.

Waiter: Yes, sir. Would you like some food to go with that, sir? Some guacamole?

Stallman: No.

Waiter: Olives?

Stallman: No.

Waiter: An orange or grapefruit?

Stallman: No.

Waiter: An entire hardboiled egg?

Stallman: No.

Waiter: Babaganoush?

Stallman: No.

Waiter (to himself): Perhaps some peanuts.

[Waiter is gone for a few moments while Stallman lies inert. Waiter returns.]

Waiter: If sir would just write his room number and sign.

Stallman: I cannot find my room key.

Waiter: Sir, are you even a guest at this establishment?

Stallman: The frustration I feel when I suffer such a loss is excruciating.

Posted by Glennf at October 27, 2011 8:35 PM